Our etiquette mistress, Candy Girl, charts a course

Dear Candy Girl: The recession has me planning my wedding on the cheap (read: no wedding planner) and I’m not sure what to do about seating charts! Where should I put everyone? And with whom?

Imagine, for a second, how awkward it would have been if, at Candy Girl’s friend Wedding Belle’s nuptials many years ago, Candy had been seated at the same table as her ex. Picture the horror on not only Ex’s face, but on the face of Candy Baby’s date and Ex’s latest conquest. Quite a scene would have ensued and La Belle’s wedding surely would have been marred.

Luckily, Belle’s wedding planner had the forethought to ask her about guests’ previous relationships and put Candy Apple and Ex on opposite sides of the room. Why, they were so far apart Candy couldn’t even see what Ex’s date was wearing. (...A red strapless with gold sequin trim? For an afternoon wedding in July? This isn’t Vegas, Newbie.)

It doesn’t always go this way, though. Being an etiquette junkie, Le Candy attends and researches as many weddings as she can and, honey, she’s seen some faux pas. One wedding seated a feuding, newly divorced mother and father of the bride at the same table—next to each other! Another placed an estranged brother of the groom at the same table as the bridal party. Later, the brother was required (by whom, Candy Girl never found out) to dance with the bride....That wedding was a bit of a disaster, actually.

Because of Can-can’s vast experience, she knows just what you should do, no wedding planner necessary. Fashion a seating chart, but only go so far as to assign tables, not seats. Had this been done at the wedding with the feuding, newly divorced parents, they could have sat on opposite sides of the table and avoided each other completely. It’s not as though an ocean is separating them (which, coincidentally, is what separated the estranged brother from his family), but a table is distance enough to avoid an awkward confrontation.

Now, you may be thinking, Why not let them choose their own seats altogether, and forgo the table arrangement? Take it from Candy Baby who, naturally, has the answer: It will only make things more complicated. Imagine a sort of musical-chairs situation at the reception, with one member of the dueling couple getting left without an acceptable seat when the music stops. Do you really want this kind of chaos on your plate after you’ve just married your perfect slice of man pie? Girlfriend thinks not.

As far as who to put with whom, your wedding reception isn’t the place to forge friendships between co-workers and college friends (they can mingle on the dance floor!), so put like groups together: friends with friends, young people with young people, parents with parents, and so on. This is your day, so make sure the seating arrangement leaves everyone as comfortable as possible. If they’re busy trying to make conversation with people they’ve not met before this occasion, when will they ever find the time to focus on you, your perfectly coiffed hair, your lily white dress and your handsome honey? Priorities, ladies.