“I do” in a day

A step-by-step guide to getting married before the sun sets

Spontaneity is one of the keys to romance. There’s love at first sight, sex on the kitchen floor and flying off to Rome on a whim for the weekend. Then there’s the quickie wedding, which, you might be glad to know, needn’t entail a lengthy trip to the Viva Las Vegas wedding chapel.
            Turns out everything you need for getting married in a single day is right here in town. The guide below will take you from waking up next to the person you suddenly realize you want to spend the rest of your life with to the post-ceremony champagne toasts—with minimal time for cold feet.

Step One: The Realization

It’s 7am, and as you roll over to hit the snooze button, you stick your armpit in your beloved’s face. Unfazed by both alarm and armpit, your sweetie continues to snore peacefully. Returning to your side of the bed, you look long and hard at the person lying next to you. The drool, the stale breath, and that sexy twitching. Suddenly, your beloved wakes up, meets your gaze, and “Eureka!” you think. “This is the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.”

Step Two: The Proposal

It can be done in various ways. There’s the romantic approach: “Darling, lying here just now watching you sleep made me realize my life isn’t worth living unless you’re in it forever.” Or the matter-of-fact way: “We should get married.” Or the resigned way: “I guess it’s about time we got hitched.” Or the nervous way: “Um...I dunno if you feel...but I kinda feel like we should...you know...get married, but I don’t know, what do you think?”
If all goes as planned, your beloved is now your betrothed.

Step Three: The Marriage License

Your next order of business is a trip to the Circuit Court to get a marriage license. You don’t need an appointment, and the entire process will take all of 15 minutes, if that (see “Making it legal,” page XX). On your way out, stop by the Court secretary’s desk, where you can pick up a list of people authorized to perform the wedding ceremony and their phone numbers.

Step Four: Finding a Marriage Commissioner

In theory, anyone invested by the court with the power to perform the marriage ceremony—from ministers and rabbis to sheriffs and laymen—can marry a couple. Chances are you’ll have to settle for a civil ceremony, though, since most clerics have a counseling process and want to know a thing or two about the folks they pronounce husband and wife. “The process [a marriage] for me typically takes six to nine months,” says Rabbi Daniel Alexander at Congregation Beth Israel. “I am not a fast-food restaurant for marriages and I have my own schedule that people have to respect.”
The Court’s list of marriage commissioners, while not exactly up-to-date, contains a number of individuals who will perform a civil ceremony immediately. Marriage commissioners write their own court-approved, non-denominational services and will marry almost anyone who wants to get hitched. Doug Hudson, a marriage commissioner since 1967, puts it this way, “We have to perform the ceremonies we are appointed for and as long as the circumstances are reasonable, I think that people have the right to have their wedding done as they want it done.”

Step Five: The “Optionals,” e.g., Dress, Tux, Ring, Flowers, Photographer and Guests

All the trappings of a traditional wedding can be cobbled together in one day. You can Glad Rags the dress, Men’s Wearhouse the tux and Whole Foods the flowers. Rings can always be found at the bottom of the right cereal box or Snooky’s, and anyone, even your officiant, can point and shoot. No witnesses required.

Step Six: The Happy Event

Everything’s in place. You’ve chosen a locale for the ceremony, the marriage commissioner is waiting. The only line you need to remember is “I do.” And just like that, you’re husband and wife.  

Step Seven: The After-Party

Eat, drink and be merry!

Step Eight: Live Happily Ever After

Enough said?

—NELL BOESCHENSTEIN